Dear Duane.....

My Dear Duane,

Babe, this is tough! I was perfectly content with our little arrangement, you know, the one where you would love me intensely and never leave my side. Life was fabulous! You were the moon, the stars and the sun in my universe. Did you really know that? Such a silly thing really, but why is it that it takes you leaving for me to realize the true depth of our marriage.

Did you know how proud I was of you? No one could have shown such character in the face of fighting such an ugly disease. It stripped you of the vibrant, active, silly man that you were. It left you weaker, tired, and with numb fingers and toes. But despite the pain you still found the silly moments, the oompa loompa moments. You still had compassion for those around you, like the nurse who blew your vein and had to try again. And how can I ever forget your last act of love and devotion to me. How did you manage it babe? You were in more pain than you let on, I know this now, but you still drove me to that silly eye appointment so that I could see again. But that was you through and through, always taking care of me.

I miss rubbing your back, making your shakes, holding you tight. Thank you for allowing me to care for you those last few weeks. I might have grumbled, sorry love, I was scared, scared of this, this life I now live without you. I hold so dear to my heart now the acts of kindness you allowed me to serve to you. I wish I could have done more, I would have you know.

I love you. I miss you. I grieve for your absence in our lives. But Duane I have found a strength I dreaded I would not find. I am strong like you said, of course, I should have believed you, your were always right. I don't sit in a corner and weep all day like I thought I would. I do cry, you are aware of this, I have felt your presence more than once, holding me as I have sobbed. But somehow, actually not somehow, 7 little someones always bring me back from my despair. Molly, Ben, Katie, Jack, Grace, Hannah-nanna, and Emma they are the best gifts you could have given me. Seven little yous, each with there own personalities, but still so much like you. Thank you love.

"Til we meet again,

Your Beautiful