Do It For Them

Do It For Them
Seven reasons worth fighting for-Ben, Hannah, Emma, Molly, Katie, Grace, and Jack

Husband, Father, Son, Our Superman

Husband, Father, Son, Our Superman

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dear Duane.....

My Dear Duane,

Babe, this is tough! I was perfectly content with our little arrangement, you know, the one where you would love me intensely and never leave my side. Life was fabulous! You were the moon, the stars and the sun in my universe. Did you really know that? Such a silly thing really, but why is it that it takes you leaving for me to realize the true depth of our marriage.

Did you know how proud I was of you? No one could have shown such character in the face of fighting such an ugly disease. It stripped you of the vibrant, active, silly man that you were. It left you weaker, tired, and with numb fingers and toes. But despite the pain you still found the silly moments, the oompa loompa moments. You still had compassion for those around you, like the nurse who blew your vein and had to try again. And how can I ever forget your last act of love and devotion to me. How did you manage it babe? You were in more pain than you let on, I know this now, but you still drove me to that silly eye appointment so that I could see again. But that was you through and through, always taking care of me.

I miss rubbing your back, making your shakes, holding you tight. Thank you for allowing me to care for you those last few weeks. I might have grumbled, sorry love, I was scared, scared of this, this life I now live without you. I hold so dear to my heart now the acts of kindness you allowed me to serve to you. I wish I could have done more, I would have you know.
I love you. I miss you. I grieve for your absence in our lives. But Duane I have found a strength I dreaded I would not find. I am strong like you said, of course, I should have believed you, your were always right. I don't sit in a corner and weep all day like I thought I would. I do cry, you are aware of this, I have felt your presence more than once, holding me as I have sobbed. But somehow, actually not somehow, 7 little someones always bring me back from my despair. Molly, Ben, Katie, Jack, Grace, Hannah-nanna, and Emma they are the best gifts you could have given me. Seven little yous, each with there own personalities, but still so much like you. Thank you love.
"Til we meet again,
Your Beautiful


Lindsay said...

Beautiful. And you are. Keep doing it, for him now.


Cindy said...

I hope that God blesses you with so many wonderful memories, your grief will disappear...thinking of you and your family.

Erin said...

He was right you are strong! You can make it through this!!! Those wonderful little Duanes need you! They need you, so much!!! Becky, I love you!!! Anytime you need us, we are here!!! You are the bestest cousin I know!!!! Just keep doin what you are doin and all is well!!!

Love and many hugs

Ps. You are always in my prayers!

Your bestest cousin!!!


Lisa said...

Good words! Linds is right. He did it for you. Now you do it for him. It really is a bittersweet love story isn't it?

Love You!

Jared and Elizabeth said...

I hope you keep sharing these sweet memories and the love you have for Duane. Your thoughts and words for Duane are priceless. He will always be near you. Love you Elizabeth

Real Life Roberts said...

Not only to you have strength but you have passes it as a gift to many of your friends. Thank you! Love you!

Emily said...

You are an AMAZING person. Your letter was so , just no words.
I learned of your wonderful family through Kori's site and I pray for you all. I am in Ohio and have lots of time on my hands (I only have three little ones!) So, if you think of anything, the tiniest to the biggest, I will try to get it done for you and your family.
You are all so kind and deserving.
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your superman.

Anonymous said...

moving! beautiful and raw and moving and I thank you for sharing your moments with us.

Terina said...

So many of us are thinking of you. We don't know what to say, but our hearts are aching. I hope loving memories ease your pain.

Katrina said...

No words! Just tears.
Thanks, Becky.

D Wheeler said...


Those were such wonderful words that you said regarding your husband. I was sad to hear about his passing. We have not met but I live next door to Duane's parents and have had you and your family on my mind lately. I was glad to hear that you have found some strength that you did not think you would have. I hope you realize that you and your kids are in alot of people's prayers, even those of us that you have not met directly.

D. Wheeler

Jess said...

This was ABSOLUTELY gogeous....what a wonderful tribute.
I hope all is well and that you have a 'peace that passes all understanding' during this time.

Jennifer P. said...

I am weeping with you right now. It SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sucks to HAVE to find out how strong you are. I've had to discover it numerous times over the past few years, and I feel often like just shouting ENOUGH! IT'S ENOUGH ALREADY! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO CHOOSE TO FOLLOW YOU NO MATTER WHAT LORD?! THAT MY FAITH IS UNSHAKEABLE?! MUST WE KEEP TESTING IT LIKE THIS?!

And then I get my wits about me. And I feel His peace. And I reflect on my life and the wisdom I wouldn't trade for the world. And the blessings I still have. And the shortness of this life. And the answers we'll all get one day.

Hang in there sweetheart. Just cling to your faith and your children. Keep finding those quotes that help you through. It gets easier, or at least hard in a more manageable way.

Much love to you, and prayers going out in your behalf.